5 Mistakes of Making Slow-Cooker Mac 'n Cheese

I am not... shall we say... a "cook" or a "chef" or any term involving me and cooking. I like to bake but chopping and peeling and boiling? None of that is my forte. So when I saw this post by Whisk and a Prayer for slow cooker mac 'n cheese, I figured, "It can't be that hard to mess up, right?" Boy do I love a challenge! I made 5 mistakes so lets laugh at each one, shall we?

Mistake #1 - Having Barilla in the house
I'm a member of the LGBT community so when I heard Barilla's chairman say last year their advertising wouldn't featuring same-sex couples and critics could "eat another brand of pasta", that's exactly what I chose to do. However, the pasta in our cupboards is older than that announcement so I had to run out and buy another brand. Same price and I get to keep my values!

Here's what you'll need:

1 1/2 Cups of milk (I used reduced fat)
1 can of evaporated milk (see Mistake #2)
1/2 stick of butter (melted and cooled)
3 eggs (see Mistake #3)
1/2 t of salt
Pepper to taste
1/2 c of grated parmesan cheese
1/2 pound of elbow macaroni (see Mistake #4)
3 C (or 12 ounces) of shredded cheese (and see Mistake #5)
I also added Italian Seasonings and bread crumbs as well because it sounded bland

Mistake #2 and #3 - Dropping eggshells and evaporated milk can into slow cooker
Once you've gathered your ingredients, add the milk, evaporated milk, eggs, melted butter, salt, pepper, and any other seasonings you like to your crock pot and whisk together. Now I don't recommend adding egg shells but hey, maybe they give it more of a crunch! And dropping the entire can of evaporated milk is certainly one way to "add" it but you should probably open it first and add what's inside the can... oy....

Mistake #4 - Overcooking the noodles
Now the original post recommends you cook the noodles for 5 minutes - long enough to make them tender but not completely cooked through. I boiled mine for 5 minutes and they were great!... until I got distracted and forgot to drain them for about 10 minutes, which resulted in them being way overdone. They were so cooked, they were practically jello...not quite a liquid, not quite a solid. So be sure to drain them immediately after and add them to your crock pot!

Mistake #5 - The cheese
Oh geez, the cheese... ok, I didn't see "12" ounces when I first read the instructions, I saw "16" so here I am with an 8oz. block of cheddar cheese thinking, "How the heck and I going to double this?" So I opened the fridge, saw an unopened 8 oz. bag of pre-shredded mozzarella cheese and thought it was a miracle. Well, little did I know, but 4 oz. of unshredded cheese practically results in 16 oz. of shredded cheese! It's freakin' magic, people! So I added the mozzarella with my newly shredded cheddar equaling... well... a lot of cheese... but that can't be a bad thing, right? FYI - grating cheese is probably the most boring thing I've ever done in the kitchen. Has anyone invented an electric cheese grater yet?

The one thing I didn't mess up? Sprinkling parmesan cheese on top. Hey hey, I completed one step without any mistakes! That's progress!

Set your crock pot on high for 30 minutes and wait. After 30 minutes, set it on low for 2-2 1/2 hours and wait some more. Now I'm not sure how this happened, but I managed to burn one side, however it gave me the crunchiness I needed. Otherwise, it was practically cheese soup! I added bread crumbs before spooning it out (and no, I didn't sauté them like the original post recommended... c'mon, I dropped a freaking can of milk in a pot, you really think I can sauté something?)

Needless to say, I won't be making this again. The hubby thought it was delicious but I disagreed but that's probably because I knew of all the mistakes I made. If you do decide to give it a try, please learn from my mistakes and let me know if it's any good!

TOTAL COSTS: About $6.50 (prices from Vons)
$.99 for 1 lb. of elbow macaroni
$1.29 for evaporated milk
$3.19 for cheese
$.99 for butter
Milk, eggs, salt, pepper, and parmesan cheese already on hand

TOTAL AMOUNT OF TIME: 3 hours, 30 minutes
30 minutes to prep
30 minutes on high
2 1/2 hours on low

EASY-PEASY SCALE (1 super easy - 5 very difficult): 3 out of 5
Ok, if you don't make any of the stupid mistakes I made, I sure this will be a 1 out of 5 for you. However, if you're as cooking-challenged as I am, you might be better of buying some Kraft and becoming friends with your microwave...

Kat's California Apple Butter - Slow Cooker Style

One sunny Saturday afternoon, my husband and I decided to pick apples... too bad the closest apple orchard was an hour and a half away. By the time we arrived, most of the trees had been picked and all that remained were the worm-holed and the rotten. Still determined to have a good time, we grabbed our 3lb. bag (does anyone else think 3lbs for $15 is WAY to much?!) and scoured the quarter acre for good apples.

We heard a couple next to us say, "Why did we pay $15 to pick rotten apples?" and after 15 minutes of finding nothing, I was starting to feel the same way. One of the workers at the orchard could tell we were getting frustrated and pointed out that the apples that fall onto the ground aren't always bad. Even if you see a hole, if it's not squishy when you press into it, it's fine. After scouring under the trees, we did end up finding a lot of apples that were pretty good. We went home and the apple butter makin' was underway (ok, technically we waited two weeks but we were busy... with... stuff... ahem...).

First thing's first: if you're using a brand new slow cooker straight out of the box, remember to remove the cardboard around the base of the pot. If you don't, you might smell burning. I gotta learn things the hard way, I guess!

Second: Whenever you're dealing with apples, either for cakes, pies, or apple butter, always use an apple peeler (I bought this one for $13.29 but it looks like Amazon has raised the price since then). It. Works. Wonders. You'll save yourself a lot of time, energy, and maybe a finger or two since it peels, cores, and slices at the same time. My husband didn't believe me until I showed him and he was astonished by the engineering of the little machine. If you don't believe me, here's a little video showing how it works (and you don't have to hold it down, there's a suction cup on the bottom, I just wanted to be extra careful):




I followed this recipe by Jamie at My Baking Addiction but since I only had half the amount of apples the recipe called for, I cut the recipe in half (1/2C of sugar instead of 1C, 1/8t ground cloves, etc.).

Here's what it looked like when I first turned on the slow cooker (the 0 hour mark):

Here's what it looked like after 6 hours in the slow cooker:

Here's what it looked like after 10 hours, after I added the vanilla (note: at this point, your house will smell ah-may-zing!)

So after 12 hours, the instructions call for using an immersion blender, but I don't have one of those, so I improvised by pouring the apple mixture into a bowl and used my hand mixer (thought using it in the slow cooker might be a bad idea). Once pureed, into the mason jars they went! I guess 3lbs. of apples equals 8 4oz mason jars -

TOTAL COSTS: $25
Apples = $15 for 3lbs. at Riley's Apple Farm

Mason Jars = $10 for 12 4 oz. Ball mason jars

TOTAL AMOUNT OF TIME: 12 hours, 50 minutes
25 minutes to peel, core, and slice 3 lbs. of apples
10 minutes to add ingredients
12 hours to cook
15 minutes to puree, pour mixture into jars, and write labels

EASY-PEASY SCALE: 2 out of 5
Another easy recipe - the only hard-ish part is preparing the apples and having the patience to wait 12 hours!